It was Oprah, wasn’t it? Regardless, that’s a bunch of malarkey. I did not just turn 40, (That happened a year and a half ago.) but it appears there is nothing like a major holiday to bring home the fact that I’m getting to be “of a certain age.”
- The Toys R Us ad goes immediately into the discard pile of Black Friday ads. My kids long ago outgrew that store, thank goodness. In fact, I’ll adopt Special Forces like maneuvers to avoid the toy department of any store from now until February. I can’t take the clogged aisles filled with children sampling every noisy toy and their exasperated parents.
- I curse the inventor of motion picture surround sound. While watching the latest “Harry Potter” movie, I had to cover my ears during almost every action sequence because it was SO DARN LOUD. And the sound was swirling around my head from every direction.
- I’m wondering if I should take Zantac before or Tums after the Thanksgiving feast. I don’t gorge myself. But it seems like even minor departures from normal eating patterns produce indigestion these days.
- I really think I need to have a pair of reading glasses just for the kitchen. Why do the cooking instruction on the Butterball look like the fine print on a car lease? Actually, I might have to put reading glasses on my Christmas list.
- I seriously consider breaking my hard and fast fashion rule of not wearing sneakers unless I’m doing something athletic. If we plan to hit 5 stores in 3 hours on Black Friday, I need something a lot more supportive, traction-capable, and comfortable than my cute little boots.
- What in the world do I have in my purse that makes it so darn heavy?? I see all these teens and 20-somethings just carrying a wallet when they go shopping. Can I get by without my Tylenol, the tablet that I use to keep track of book titles or sizes so I don’t forget them later, hand lotion, reading glasses…?
I’m certain that as Thanksgiving blends oh-so-seamlessly into Christmas, I’ll discover lots of other hints that I’m no spring chicken anymore. Some things are not so bad, by the way, like staying out of Toys R Us. That place is awful at any time of year. I would, however, like to hang on to my cute shoes as long as possible.