I know. I know. Peace on earth, goodwill toward men and all that. Really, though, there must be some things we all agree are tacky and unsightly during this festive time of year. I posted not too long ago about some rules for Halloween. Naturally, I have some thoughts on what is and is not appropriate for Christmas.
Do you have one of these in your yard? Then you are already an offender. And this cheery Santa with his elf isn’t even the worst inflatable out there. I have seen–with my own eyes–Santa in a hammock under a palm tree, every imaginable cartoon character decked out for Christmas, and even an inflatable nativity scene. 9 times out of 10, people don’t anchor these things properly, and they end up doubled over like Santa with severe abdominal pain. Even worse, though, is when they look like this:
This looks like the aftermath of a drive-by shooting. So…if you are going to commit yourself to an inflatable, why wouldn’t you keep it inflated?? Yeah, you can operate lights on a timer so they go off in the daylight. An inflatable is a round-the-clock thing. Otherwise, get out the crime scene tape.
Hey, ugly Christmas decor isn’t limited to outdoors, either. I was at one of those high-end type discount retailers a few weeks ago and spotted some truly awful specimens. I suppose someone finds them oh-so-chic, but this pair just frightens me:
I think they are meant to be reindeer, but where these were made (Taiwan, Bangladesh??) perhaps the native language confuses reindeer with giraffe. I guess you could call this one the cuddlier version:
Perhaps where you live, it’s cold enough for cozy hats and scarves. Around here, we are just beginning to see some chilly temperatures. Nevertheless, it seems like I can’t go anywhere without seeing one of these hideous things:
Have you seen these animal hats? Mind you, these are actually hats for adults. With fur. And ears. How can I put this nicely? If you are over the age of 10, you have no business wearing a furry hat with animal ears and long, draping…what are those? Arms? Grow up, people. It’s not cute on you; it’s disturbing. And even if you are an elementary school age youngster, who told you that sort of hat was appropriate attire for church? And I’m not referring to: “It’s cold outside. I need to wear a hat to church.” Unless you worship in the great outdoors in near-freezing temperatures, TAKE OFF THE HAT!! In other words, this is NOT the perfect gift.
Last but not least, a word about LED Christmas lights. Yuck. That’s the word. I don’t care how much energy they save; they are just plain awful. I don’t care if the box says the light from that string is “Warm.” There’s nothing warm or inviting about it. Did you ever see the classic Tom Hanks movie “Joe Versus the Volcano?” (It’s hilarious in an “Office Space” sort of way.) LED Christmas lights remind me of this scene:
I know the idea behind them is all of this “green” business. In this case, green is what you get instead of that cozy glow of incandescent Christmas bulbs.
So there you have it. My top gripes for the holidays. Well, at least for today. Does that make me a Grinch? Perhaps under the glow of your LED lights it does.